Three Steps to Becoming a Submissive Wife

If you know anything about the bible or have read anything specifically about marriage you have probably heard of Ephesians 5 and the whole "wives submit to their husband" thing.

Hardest. Thing. Ever.

Men and women are different. We just are. It's science.

Don't believe me - just have a look at your spouse.

Still, don't believe me - well here's some of that science (I love science!)

• In males, fat gets deposited between organs. In females, it forms a ring around the abdomen. (yeahhhh)
• Females are significantly better at distinguishing between shades of various colors than males. (ever tried to explain a paint color to your husband?)
• Males process less of the bonding chemical oxytocin than females
• Blood flow is more evenly distributed in the male body. In females, it is concentrated around core organs and the pelvic region. (we are more prone to cold feet and hands)
• Females tend to have verbal centers on both sides of the brain. While males tend to have verbal centers on only the left hemisphere.
• Women are, as a group, better at reading facial expressions of emotions than are men.

I have a Bachelors degree in science (nursing) and although I learned a lot of the above (and so much more) there was never any science that made my head understand why I needed to submit to my husband.

So here I am figuring out Ephesians 5, trying to apply it to my life and relationship and (most importantly) putting my pride aside while I do this. I feel like I need to add this; I have almost 0 traditionally wife skills and abilities - this picture is the first and last time I made bread in 2012....so you're not talking to Susie homemaker

Here's what I have learned;

1. Read a bunch of different versions of the bible

NIV -Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour.

MESSAGE -Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.

KJV -Wives, yield to your husbands, as you do to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. And he is the Saviour of the body, which is the church. 

See how different they can be? Find different versions. Read them for yourselves. Don't choose one over another. Instead, combine all the words that God has given the authors and let those words help you understand scripture even more.

2. Anything good is worth sacrifice

I hope you are like me and you are in a good and healthy marriage. But let's not get fake here, good and healthy marriages mean there is fighting, tension, disagreements, nights in separate bedrooms, confusion, frustration, thoughts of "what have I done?". Marriage is not meant to be perfect.

But marriage is meant to be sacrificial

We let the other "win" the fight or admit we are wrong. We break the tension by apologizing first. We solve the disagreements or different point of views by compromising.  We seek to solve the confusion and frustration even if that means being open to changing ourselves. And every time that thought of "what have I done" crosses our minds we look at our marriage certificate and remember we married the right person because his name is written right there.

I believe as women we are created, wired and called to be in tune and sensitive to what is happening with our husband. I believe we play a crucial role in creating an emotional stable household so it is a peaceful and refreshing atmosphere where we can focus on relationships with God, each other and our children.

I believe we are leaders in our relationship with our husbands.

Instead of fighting and fighting for something that's probably not worth it (like a comment that was made or the fact that he majorly tailgates) submit, give in and move on, don't sweat the small stuff.

Instead of criticizing, critiquing or wishing he was different; understand and support

Instead of nitpicking, nagging, trying to keep up with the Jone's or make everything look perfect and get mad when you realized he is not; yield. **which actually means give way to arguments, demands, and pressures**

Makes sense?

Is your husband and your relationship with him not worth submitting, understanding, supporting and yielding?

I think so (even if he frequently wears a lightsaber and believes he's a Jedi). 

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3. Read the WHOLE scripture

We have this really bad habit as Christ-followers to read one verse take it exactly how it is and call it a day. I mean if we only read "wives submit to your husbands" and read nothing else then we would all be mad and have no idea what it actually means. 

If you look at verse 1 and then jump down to verse 25 you'll see stuff like this:

• submit to one another
• be courteous to each other
• husbands, go all out in love for your wives
• love by giving not getting
• husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church
• love your wives like your own body

Then after introducing the concept of submitting to one another, Paul turns his attention to the family, which is the building block of a healthy society. He gives three examples of how submission works in real life for wives, husbands, and kids.

Submission is all about putting the needs of other members of your family ahead of your own. But today’s culture doesn’t place a very high value on others. We jump on the bandwagon too soon. We say "no way" to being submissive and don't really seem to care about what that means for others. 

I don't know about you but this whole yield, understand, support, submit thing just got a whole lot easier because my husband is called to love me to the point that all that stuff comes easy.

I know what your thinking - your thinking that if my husband loved me like he is supposed to then I would do what I am supposed to do. Well here's another spoiler alert, someone has got to make the first move.

Still not convinced about this whole submissive thing. It's completely fine. There are days when I am not too convinced either. There are days when I don't even want to be in the same room as my husband and days where I don't feel like he gives enough to me so why would I give to him.

But that is why this section of the bible is entitled "Instructions for Christian Households". It's because marriage is hard, relationships are hard, we are flawed imperfect and selfish people so maintaining a Christian household is hard and we need a bit of wisdom on the best way to have Christ-centered marriages and homes.

It's a journey, its a process but it's our calling - stop listening to how the world thinks women should be, act and think and starting owning our unique beautiful, biblical purpose (maybe we can talk even more about this later!)