Becoming a Submissive Wife (and failing at it often)

 If you know anything about the bible or have read anything specifically about marriage you have probably heard of Ephesians 5 and the whole "wives submit to their husband" thing.Hardest. Thing. Ever.Men and women are so different aren't they?Don't believe me - just have a look at your spouse.Still don't believe me - well here's some science (I love science!)

• In males, fat gets deposited between organs. In females, it forms a ring around the abdomen. (yeahhhh)
• Females are significantly better at distinguishing between shades of various colors than males.(ever tried to explain a paint colour to your husband?)
• Males process less of the bonding chemical oxytocin than females
• Blood flow is more evenly distributed in the male body. In females it is concentrated around core organs and the pelvic region. (we are more prone to cold feet and hands)
• Females tend to have verbal centres on both sides of the brain. While males tend to have verbal centres on only the left hemisphere.
• Women are, as a group, better at reading facial expressions of emotions than are men.

I have a Bachelors degree in science (nursing) and although I learned a lot of the above (and so much more) there was never any science that made my head understand why I needed to submit to my husband.As a young girl I would hear this verse in church (read through really quickly) but never really cared much about it.As a married women I would read through this chapter (really quickly) and thought that was for the women "back in the day".As a pastor I've just completely ignored it because, well, I just didn't want to have to explain or answer any questions about it.But after (almost) 6 years of marriage I've started to really find out what the bible says about being a wife (better late then never!)So here I am figuring out Ephesians 5, trying to apply it to my life and relationship and (most importantly) putting my pride aside while I do this.Here's what I have learned;

1. Read a bunch of different versions of the bible - it helps so much!

NIV -Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour.MESSAGE -Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.KJV -Wives, yield to your husbands, as you do to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. And he is the Saviour of the body, which is the church. See how different they can be? Find different versions. Read them for yourselves. Don't chose one over another. Instead combine all the words that God has given the authors and let those words help you understand scripture even more.

2. Anything good is worth sacrifice

I hope you are like me and you are in a good and healthy marriage. But lets not get fake here, good and healthy marriages mean there is fighting, tension, disagreements, different point of views, nights in separate bedrooms, confusion, frustration, thoughts of "what have I done?". Marriage is not meant to be perfect because we are far from perfect and we are so different from each other (disagree? - read above again).But marriage is meant to be sacrificialWe let the other "win" the fight or admit we are wrong. We break the tension by apologizing first. We solve the disagreements or different point of views by compromising.  We get up and go to the other person by putting our pride and need to be right aside. We seek to solve the confusion and frustration even if that means being open to changing ourselves. And every time that thought of "what have I done" crosses our minds we look at our marriage certificate and remember we married the right person because his name is written right there.I believe as women we are created, wired and called to be in tune and sensitive to what is happening with our husband. I believe we play a crucial role in created an emotional stable household so it is a peaceful and refreshing atmosphere where we can focus on relationships with God, each other and our children.I believe we are leaders in our relationship with our husbands.Instead of fighting and fighting for something thats probably not worth it (like a comment that was made or the fact that he majorly tailgates) submit, give in and move on, don't sweat the small stuff.Instead of criticizing, critiquing or wishing he was different; understand and supportInstead of nitpicking, nagging, trying to keep up with the Jone's or make everything look perfect and get mad when you realized he is not; yield. **which actually means give way to arguments, demands and pressures**Makes sense?Is your husband and your relationship with him not worth submitting, understanding, supporting and yielding? Isn't sacrificing worth a great relationship?I think so. I don't always practice it (and it's on my top 3 things to work on) but I still think its worth it.

3. Read the WHOLE scripture

We have this really bad habit as Christ followers to read one verse take it exactly how it is and call it a day. I mean if we only read "wives submit to your husbands" and read nothing else then we would all be mad and have no idea what it actually means.If you look at verse 1 and then jump down to verse 25 you'll see stuff like this:

• submit to one another
• be courteous to each other
• husbands, go all out in love for your wives
• love by giving not getting
• husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church
• love your wives like your own body

Then after introducing the concept of submitting to one another, Paul turns his attention to the family, which is the building block of a healthy society. He gives three examples of how submission works in real life for wives, husbands, and kids. Read them for yourself:

• Wives, submit to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. (Ephesians 5:22-23)
• Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself (Ephesians 5:25,28)
• Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right (Ephesians 1:6)

Submission is all about putting the needs of other members of your family ahead of your own. But today’s culture doesn’t place a very high value on others. We jump on the band wagon too soon. We say "no way" to being submissive and don't really seem to care about whats next. But read those verses that instruct the husband to love their wives like Christ loves the church and really understand what these instructions are saying.**spoiler alert** God sent His son Jesus to die for everyone (the church) and that is what He is telling husbands to do for their wives - to love them as much as God loved us.I don't know about you but this whole yield, understand, support, submit thing just got a whole lot easier because my husband is called to love me to the point that all that stuff comes easy.I know what your thinking - your thinking that if my husband loved me like he is suppose to then I would do what I am suppose to do. Well here's another spoiler alert, someone has got to make the first move.

Why not me and you?

Still not convinced about this whole submissive thing.It's completely fine. There are days when I am not too convinced either. There are days when I don't even want to be in the same room as my husband and days where I don't feel like he gives enough to me so why would I give to him. But that is why this section of the bible is entitled "Instructions for Christian Households". It's because marriage is hard, relationships are hard, we are flawed imperfect and selfish people so maintaining a christian household is hard and we need a few instructions on the best way to have Christ centred marriages and homes.So, its a journey, its a process, its my husband and my family so it worth working and sacrificing for.Research it, figure it out for yourself and let me know what you think.In the mean time I will just be over here trying my best to be the wife I am created to be - cause I love my husband so stinkin' much!