Desire of a Mom Brain's Heart

I love writing. It helps me stay real and authentic. It helps me process life and connects me to like minded women but recently I've been slumping it.There has been so many times that I have sat down in front of this computer screen and quickly realized that I was just staring at that little black line blinking and blinking and blinking. That little black line where words are suppose to just freely flow was just staring at me over and over as if to say "Helllooooooo, you there?"Well little black line, I'm here but recently I have felt like there is nothing really of value in the smushed, slightly overactive mom brain that currently lives in my forehead that is bruised because my three year old accidentally smacked me in the face while pretending to drive his Captain American on a motorcycle toy.That same toy (for your information) that caused a massive meltdown because that stupid little plastic figure was never actually meant to sit on the motorcycle that it came with so it always falls off and causes my "extreme attention to detail" three year old to lose his mind. Whoever made you, Captain American on a motorcycle toy, I will find you and I will politely tell you that you suck.But, I digress,I have found myself going through the motions of being a wife, a mom, a pastor, a women. I sleep, I clean, I change babies, I referee wrestling matches, I do laundry, I find my husband's missing items, I shop, I stare at social media, I put together Sunday worship services, I talk with people, I take candy away from my kids and then eat it when they are asleep, I pick up, I drop off, I go to soccer, doctors appointments, work events, I wonder through malls and then before I know it the day, week, month has come and gone and everything kinda starts again.I feel very blessed. I love my life even. But there are so many times that I crave and desire something more, better, exciting, different, challenging.Sometimes I feel like life will come and go and I'm not sure what I will have to show for it.Anyone out there catching what I'm saying?Over and over and over again I hear that verse from Psalms that says "take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart". But every single time my mind is brought to that verse I immediately wonder what the heck that even means.Well sometimes the desire of my heart is just for a big old chocolate cake or maybe some pizza. Sometimes I desire like a full week of absolutely nothing but Netflix and the beach. Sometimes my desire is just for Maverick to simply go to sleep or Asher to stop screaming.Sometimes they get a little bigger and I desire to see the kingdom of God become a real authentic loving community that is an unstoppable movement (big jump from chocolate cake hey?). Sometimes I desire to be able to connect more and speak into wives, women, moms - journey together, share what we have learned and how to have a thriving home, family and life.Sometimes I desire drastic change, adventures and just a little more joy and simplicity. Sometimes I desire nothing. Absolutely nothing, my emotions take control, I become unglued and there's nothing anyone can say or do to make it any better.How on earth does God follow my roller coaster of desires, how does he keep up with my unstable emotions and why would he even want to venture into my bruised Captain American toy forehead where my mom brain currently lives.The "Sunday School" answer is simple - because Jesus loves you.The real life answer, not so simple.In our social - media - consumer - I - want - it - right - now - and - do - not - want - to - have - to - work - for - it - world a need or want quickly turns into a desire or a must. Jesus (who has the original go against the flow kid) defines what desire really means or should mean to us as authentic Christ followers. Here's what we really should desire;

1. Justice (Psalm 34: 2, 13, 17, 35-36, 38).
2. Protection and Strength (Psalm 34: 15-17, 24, 39-40).
3. Eternal reward (Psalm 34: 18, 29, 37).
4. Sustainability (Psalm 34:19).
5. Love and faithfulness (Psalm 34:28).

I mean, when I read the rest of Psalm 34 I was a little disappointed to discover that no matter how much I desire chocolate cake, a full nights sleep or, I donno...maybe a baby girl to make this family a little more fair game, God was probably not going to grant those wishes - because no matter how much we want to make God into what we want Him to be, He's not a genie in a bottle. We were not gifted three wishes.We were gifted so much more.So friends, If you are like me and find yourself in a slump with nothing important to say and a desire for so much more.Just hold on.Or even better - Hold on to Him.Delight in the Lord;

• Trust in God and be faithful (Psalm 34:3)
• Commit to Him by trying living in His will (Psalm 34:5)
• Wait patiently for God to act on our behalf (Psalm 34:7)

Discover what your desires are by connecting and becoming closer to God. Trust in His plan. Wait patiently as He reveals it to you and then hold on for the ride.Because in my experience, His desires for you and the desires He puts into your heart will blow your mind.Blow. Your. Mind