Been there, done that.

Fridays are my absolute favorite day of the week for a whole bunch of reasons but specifically because it's date morning. Every Friday my husband and I (and Asher who usually sleeps through the date) go out to breakfast and just have a little “us time”. Sometimes we talk about work, sometimes we talk about our kids but every time we are together and that's what matters.

This past Friday was a little different for me.

We went into a restaurant that has a great traditional-run-of-the-mill breakfast and were looking forward to a bit of quiet time when it was pretty much ruined within the first few seconds by a guy, who I am sure intended no harm, and his comments.Here’s the back story; my husband, Daniel, was diagnosed with sciatica about 10 years ago. Basically what happened was he had a bulge that was coming out between two of his vertebrae pressing on his sciatic nerve(s). His pain was so bad at the time that he had to drop out of school and was bed ridden for months, walking (when he could) with a cane and trying his best to manage. He was only 17. Fast forward ten years later when about 4 months ago he had a lower back strain which cause a flare up of his sciatica - that same excruciating pain. This time seemed a llittle worse (which makes sense because he has been living with this for 10 years) and we went to doctors, chiropractor, acupuncture, message, physical therapist, ortho specialist (and so on) but nothing was helping his pain.As many of you know, Asher is almost 5 months and Daniel has been battling this since he was born. not really being able to hold him without pain, not being able to play light sabers with Maverick without needing a break to rest, not standing or sitting or laying for long periods of time before needing some sort of change to try to reduce the pain. It’s been bad. It’s been really bad and equally hard to watch a strong, active, enthusiastic man be able to do nothing. I don’t tell you this for sympathy or for “wow look what they are going through” comments because we are making do. We found a treatment that is working and we are hopefully for the future. I tell you this to help understand why our Friday morning date was ruined.These last few weeks have been the hardest. Mentally, this has been draining on my husband (not being able to be the “strong man” has been hard on him). So, that morning, when I was carrying our 4 month old into the restaurant in his car seat and a random (yet kinda friendly) man felt the need to stop and say to my husband; “why are you making her do the heavy lifting - shouldn’t you be doing that”.I like to believe we are nice people so when this happened of course we just smiled and my husband quickly responded “good question” because we obviously were not getting into it. But the whole time we were in the restaurant the nice Christian pastor spirit left my body and I wanted to take that heavy car seat over to this guy and smack him in the face with it (after I take Asher out of course).As parents, we are always super hard on ourselves and each other - we are our harshest critics. We are quick to say things like “I would never let my child do that” or “I would never give my child that” or “what the heck are they doing”. We live in a world where everyone is an expert on everything and (apparently) everyone knows how to raise my children and make my decisions better than me. Judging is harsh, especially when we don’t think we are judging. It sounds so cliché but everyone has a story and we are all just fighting that uphill battle of trying to keep these mini humans alive while staying semi sane and eating something other than McDonald’s take-out everyday.So, next time you see that mom or dad in Wal-Mart with a kid watching some videos on the phone don’t judge because maybe that is the only way they can get their shopping done without running around the whole store and going crazy. Been there done that!Next time you see a kid losing their mind because they have 8 containers of tic tacs at home and you are refusing to buy them another one give that mom and dad a smile because inside they are looking for the eject button to get out of there. Been there done that!Next time you see a parent “give in” to their children and give them what they want (even if its their 8th sucker of the day) don’t stare and think those “bad parent” thoughts because you have no idea how their day has been. Been there done that!Next time you see a mom and dad together out and about and it looks like mom is doing all the “work” don’t judge and say “well that dad is useless” because what you don’t know is that dad would LOVE to be able to be an active parent but needs to take a break so that he can heal and be around for the long haul. And, just in case you were wondering, he is an amazing dad and husband who we love very much! Been there done that!Matthew 7:12 tells us this; Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them.Wouldn’t it be crazy if we actually followed that? I mean if we thought about the way we like to be treated and then actually gave people that same treated. There is a part of me that still thinks Prince William is going to swoop in a be like “Hey girl - wanna come back to my castle and be a princess” and I’d be like “yup” (no offense to my hubby) because who wouldn’t want to be treated like royalty. BUT the thing is if that's how I would want to be treated then I HAVE to treat others that way too.God loves us. He wants us to stay in His will because He wants what is best for us. He knew us before we were born, He made us while we were in our mother’s bellies. He sent His son to die for us. We’d be kidding ourselves if we thought that sending His son to die was an easy task for Him. He loved us SO much and he put His money where His mouth is. If we call ourself a Christ follower then we have absolutely no reason not to show this same love to ever single person we come in contact with.Let’s starting thinking and living out this golden rule and this love because I believe in that world and I believe in love and joy and I believe in the good news and I believe that we all have been there and done that so let's be there and do that for others.

Thanks random breakfast guy with not the greatest comments for teaching me this lesson.