When your marriage is the ball you drop
Today I feel like I have way too many balls that are all up in the air and not enough hands to keep them up - you know what I mean?
Work has been extra stressful, people seem to be extra stressful, my kids still need me to wipe their bums and feed them, my husband needs me to be a present wife and I'm pretty sure there is still boxes of crackers and bags of chips sitting on the floor in the basement from our Christmas Eve food spectacular. O, and the laundry...I mean does anymore need to be said?For the first 6 months of my second babies life I pretty much walked around in a fog. You know, when you are physically there but mentally you are dreaming about that 4 hours of broken sleep you will get that night and desperately hoping that tonight will be "that night" when both kids go to bed easy and sleep all night. Well, the fog has lifted a little. My kids aren't really sleeping any better but my body and mind have finally become used to living and functioning on lattes, chocolate chips and hot dogs.Despite everything, despite my best efforts to organize, schedule, to do list and simplify I still can't seem to keep all the balls up in the air. Something always needs to be put on the back burner. Something needs to take one for the team and just deal with not being focused on and that something usually is always the same thing in my life. We become content and make excuses like "don't be so hard on yourself" and "I will get to it later" or "It's all good, I'm just plain tired". But what if I'm putting the one thing on the back burner that should be front and centre and how do I fix it.
What if my marriage is that ball that drops.
What if my husband always gets last place. What do we do when we put mom, employee, cook, nurse, driver, secretary, scheduler, cleaner and laundry person in front of the one person who makes all of those titles worth it. What if we are too proud to admit that we got it all wrong and have been getting it all wrong for a long time.Becoming a mom changes everything. All of a sudden there is a mini human that rely on you for everything. Those morning that you use to lay in bed and just "be" with each other are replaced with early morning wake ups and snarky comments because you were both up all night. Breakfast and coffee around the TV are replaced with shoving Cheerios in the mouth of a two-year old who insists popsicle and suckers are perfectly acceptable for breakfast. Saying goodbye for the day with a hug and a kiss is replaced with "don't forgets" and resentment that he gets to be away from the madness all day. Phone calls and text messages are short and not even heard over crying babies or the sound of a vacuum sucking up smashed goldfish. Quiet suppers are not so peaceful and that evening time, that time you finally have a second for yourself, all you want is to be alone in a quiet room or staring mindlessly at some stupid reality TV show that makes you feel like you life is completely sub par.Did I paint the picture for you?The selfish side of me doesn't want to be touched, doesn't want to talk or even attempt any type of communication other than "do you want something to drink" or "what do you want to watch".But I forgot something very important about this "ball" if you will - I forgot that I was his first.He loved me long before my two babies came around. He loved my when I was huge and had pregnancy cravings such as "anything cold" or a McDonald's happy meal. He loved me when I was trying to adjust to being a mommy and sobbed through my feelings of inadequacy. He loved me through his own fear when the words "let's have another" were spoken. He has loved me through mistakes, fears, fights, arguments and on those days when I down right didn't like him.
His love is what gets me through the days when the balls seem like they are flying everywhere and life seems to be falling apart.
I'm working on my marriage and my relationship. I am working on reminding myself how precious and a privilege it is to be his wife. I'm working on reminding myself which ball is the most important and which ones can be dropped or down right thrown out the window. I'm working on caring less about what people think of me and caring more about what he thinks and how I am living for HIM.Are you like me and have a whole mismatch of unprioritized priorities? Maybe your marriage is top-notch but your relationship with God is suffering. Maybe your house is clean and laundry is done but your kids are missing some quality time. Maybe your instagram feed is full of beautiful pictures but the person behind the camera is crippled with the pursuit of perfection.Maybe we are missing the point.
I (Jesus) am the Gate. Anyone who goes through me will be cared for—will freely go in and out, and find pasture. A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of - John 10:10
What's you thief? What's robbing you of having a real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of? What does Satan have you pinned down with or convince you need to focus on? What part of your life is suffering because your priorities are messed up and what are you going to do about it?Me - I'm going to (finally) give my husband the wife that he deserves. I am going to hug and kiss him in the morning. I am going to stand by him and support him at work and be a partner in raising our kids. I am going to intentionally put him first every single day and love him like crazy to show our kids the type of love that God has for us.It's hard, its work and it won't be easy but when we have our priorities straight and the right things in the right place than those balls that are flying everywhere become a little less important and life becomes a whole lot more simple and joyful.