I'm a Rowe...

Do you every feel like maybe you were switched at birth, put into the wrong family, or maybe given some crazy drug that made you completely forget you former perfect, much calmer Pinterest life?This Morning as I sit in my youngest sons room with my husband's shirt (which I just wiped my running nose on), my hair in a wonderful "half up/half down messy bun" look, having to pee but Asher just closed his eyes and there is a possibility of an hour to do my workout. (still trying to lose my first baby's baby weight) My husband is next door with my toddler who, SURPRISE, doesn't want to change his dirty diaper he's had on all night and I can't help but wonder again - really God, this is my life?I mean to a lot of people I'm sure they would say my life is crazy exciting. I met my husband in 2010, fell in love, got married in 2012, off to seminary and ordained in 2014, first son was born in 2015 and second in 2017. We have lived in for different towns, have traveled all over the world with our church, have been given some crazy opportunities and get to live our lives everyday trying to be worthy of the call God placed on us. Not your everyday life I suppose but I still find myself wondering is this really mine.As a mom to a newborn you find the days (and nights) just running together and ask yourself questions like; how many days has it been since I showered and how many times have I worn these leggings? You feel like this is it, like life is always going to be like this, like your son is going to be a newborn forever and NEVER sleep. These tough moments are the times when I imagine what my life plan could of been like. You know, the big white fence house, the 2.5 perfect kids who came out saying please and thank you, the husband who brought flowers home everyday and rubbed your feet every night (mine does give a good rub!), using my nursing degree to the fullest and working with babies and their families, attending a smoke and lights church (but not actually doing anything), the perfect Pinterest home that was never a mess....I could go on and on about all the things I dreamed of and thought would happen.I never imagined the life I have.Satan is fully aware of this. He knows what my hopes and dreams were. He knows that bringing those thoughts back into my mind cause me to yell at my children, fight with my husband and hate what I see in the mirror. He knows how to get me and my o my how he gets me! But friends, this has got to stop!We live in a world where everyone portrays perfection but is really just doggy paddling to stay a float. We want to keep up with the latest everything and make everyone believe we got it all together when in reality I am having a complete breakdown because my two year old insists on buckling himself in the car seat and we are 5 hours late for everything! Instead of this "perfect" life I imagined (and am guilty of portraying on social media) I have a husband who for some reason can not get his underwear into the laundry basket (even though it's two feet away) but loves me fiercely and will literally do anything I ask him to just to make me happy. I have a two year old who tantrums like no other and licks his crib for like an hour every night before going to bed but has the perfect little smile and beautiful blue eyes (if you can see them under his Star Wars hat) and makes me melt every time he says "Mommy". And I have been blessed with a second son who has taught me patience and to just take it easy in the two short months he has been with us.Most importantly I have a Heavenly Father who knows all of this. He knows this is not what I imagined but this is what He designed. He knew I needed a husband like my Daniel who can make anything funny and can calm the fiercest storm in my life with a hug. He knew I needed my Maverick and Asher to bring joy, laughter, loudness and a whole lot of mess so I can be reminded everyday that seriousness is not a fruit of the spirt but joy is. He created me to be a pastor, to work with His people, to lead people in relationship with Him and to try by best to model my life after Him for others. He designed me specifically for all of this so how on earth can I even dare to question Him and His plan and ask - is this really my life.The answer is YES. This is my crazy messy beautiful life because it was specifically designed by God for me. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Jeremiah 29:11I use to hate Jeremiah 29:11 because I thought it was always taken so out of context but I learned something recently. As the verse says, God knows the plans for us. He knew the plans for the Israelites and He knew it was going to be 70 years in exile. He knew the life that he designed for the Israelites and what would come of it, even though it was most defiantly not the life they wanted. God may have a completely different plan for you and me and some days it may feel like we are exiled and in the desert but God is still God. He knows what He is doing, He knows the life He has designed for you and me so....My goal; be thankful, live this life God designed because it's the perfect one for me.Wishing you love, joy and sleep,Bhreagh